Life After the Wake-up Call!

When is Your Power?

Last night I found an inspiring video from Tedx.  It was Simon Sinek talking about how people don’t care how you do what you do, or really even what you do. They care WHY you do it. I loved it, listened to it twice, and almost signed up for “Why U”, which is his membership program. I’ll probably sign up eventually. It’s the kind of stuff I’m addicted to.

I did sign up for his daily inspiration, and today the first message came.

The future is far more enticing than the past or the present because the future is the only place you have any say in the matter.

Since he didn’t attribute it to anyone, I assume he said it himself, and I’m disappointed. Why? Because last night I thought he was brilliant, and this morning, with his first note, we already disagree.

We disagree about the future and the present and why the future is more enticing.

I agree that it is, at least for most of us, because we know how things are in the present. There is some good, some not so good, and maybe even some cr-ppy, but it is what it is.

The future, though. There is where we can paint exactly the picture we want, with all the characters behaving exactly the way we want, and us being exactly who we want to be. We have a lot of say in the matter, and although other people have a say in the matter, too, our say is the only one we have to pay attention to. Because we’re not there yet.

But as the future gets closer, other people’s say gets more important, unless you want to go live as a hermit on a mountaintop, which I’m guessing you don’t. That’s not really my audience

So, what about the present? Sinek states you don’t have any say about the present. Is that true for you? I don’t think so.

True, you don’t have the ONLY say, but you do have one. A big one. You have a say in every thought and action you take in the present. Every reaction to what others say.

I may have more to say about this tomorrow. In the meantime, what do you say?

Have You Ever Hugged a Cactus?

Seriously – have you? And more importantly, why would you want to do something like that?

Usually I’m not much into “why”, but I think its a fair question. Obviously, it’s going to hurt when you wrap your arms around a cactus. So why would you go there if you aren’t a masochist?

By the way, I might be a masochist, so it may be that the rest of this is just justifying my own bullsh, as my 12 year old son calls it.

I hug my cactus because she’s my mother and I’m an only child. She isn’t exactly able to live by herself anymore, but she isn’t ready for a nursing home, either. She goes in and out of cactus mode, seemingly independent of any outside stimulus. She’s very good at “making meaning” out of any little event and it is usually not in my favor.

I won’t give any examples, because that’s not what this post is about. It’s about hugging cacti, or cactuses if you feel uncomfortable with those irregular plurals English is so famous for. Like when there are two cars next to each other and they are both made by Lexus – are they Lexuses, or are they Lexi?

Anyway, the gist of this post is to give you some ideas for self-preservation when you choose to hug a cactus. If you don’t think there are any good reasons to do that, please don’t argue with me in the comments. I’ll just delete them and really, I’ve got other things to do with my time.

So, here are those cactus-hugging tips I promised:

• Don’t take the prickliness personally, even if the spines are only sharp when you’re around. Any time a person is less than loving to you, it means they are hurting. And if they think you caused the hurting, it is only because their thinking is distorted. Don’t believe you are going to change that with reason. Their thinking is distorted because their feelings are hurt.
• Choose how you are going to respond – emotionally and physically. You can’t stop the prickle, at least not permanently. Instead, choose whether or not you are going to allow the prickle to get the best of you. This is spiritual growth time, folks, and it is HARD! I can’t say it any more clearly, you must choose to allow the cactus to upset you in order for it to happen. If you choose to stay loving and kind, you can do it. It will take work – more on that in the next tip.
• Practice feeling calm in the face of the storm before you need the skill. Regular meditation can help. It doesn’t have to be 20 minutes twice a day. Even very short periods of time spent focusing on calm, pleasant feelings can be helpful. It helps focus your mind if you use a phrase to repeat over and over. Choose something meaningful to you. Remember, it doesn’t so much matter that you can sit on a cushion for 30 minutes and meditate as it matters that you can calm and center yourself with 3 deep breaths any time you need it.
• Smile! The cactus may not be any less prickly, but you will feel better inside. Smiling actually helps your body release endorphins and you feel more positive and pleasant.
• Disengage. In certain circumstances, you choose to hug the cactus. That doesn’t mean you have to hold onto it all day long. Have whatever interaction you need to have and then disengage. Just get out of there. Don’t worry if the cactus gets mad. It was mad anyway.
• Wear protection while hugging the cactus. If you were physically hugging a cactus, you would be wise to wear thick gloves or use tongs instead of your bare arms. On a different level, you could spend a few minutes before approaching the cactus in meditation, drawing upon Source for the resources you need to escape the encounter unscathed. You can envision yourself surrounded by Love or White Light or God or your guardian angels. Do whatever works for you.

That’s it for Sherrie’s Cactus-Hugging Tips today.

So, what about you? Is there a cactus in your life? How do you hug it, and why?

Commitment

It’s a big word, but what exactly does it mean?

Edwene Gaines, author of “The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity: A Simple Guide to Unlimited Abundance” says":

The only surefire way to know whether you’ve made a commitment is when there’s no turning back and the only way out is through, all the way to the other side, because if there is a way out of it, that’s not a commitment.

To be fair, she’s talking about your life purpose here, but even then I wasn’t sure I totally agreed. And she back-pedals a little further on and says that sometimes you get started on a commitment and then you get a sign that it isn’t the right path, and its OK to stop then. So that seems like a way out to me.

Whether she’s right or wrong, she got me thinking about commitment and I decided to look it up in the dictionary (online, of course). Here’s what I found:

1. The act of committing – Edwene states that a commitment involves a verbal declaration of your intent. So, it starts with an act. We’re together so far.
2. The state of being committed – Since our words flow from our thoughts and emotions, it makes sense that commitment would not consist of just that initial statement, but of a state of being that honored the promise made on a continuing basis.
3. A pledge or promise – Ms. Gaines makes clear that only a 100% commitment is actually a commitment. If there is any wiggle room, it doesn’t count. By the same token, a promise or pledge does not leave room for excuses.
4. Engagement, involvement – Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. Commitment requires action! It starts with a declaration of intent and continues with an intellectual and emotional state, but it also requires that we actually DO something.
5. Confinement (as to a mental institution) – Ms. Gaines doesn’t address this meaning of the word directly, but she does give several examples of people who committed to goals that seemed outrageous or maybe even crazy – and they were able to achieve the goals through practicing the principles she teaches. Maybe to have a commitment worth making there has to be a little insanity there.

I’m thinking here of people who start their lifestyle businesses on the side of their day jobs. Are they not committed because they have a “way out”? What about people who go to school part time while they work a day job? Are they not committed because they have “a way out”?

By the way, I want to make it clear – this is an absolutely fabulous book, and I highly recommend you click on my affiliate link at the beginning of this post and get you one of your very own. Ms. Gaines has a very down-to-earth and straightforward way of explaining the spiritual principles and she covers the bases well. I just struggled with this one point.

What do you think? If you have a way out, have you really made a commitment?

Autobiography – Abbreviated

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Where are the cookies?

This was my favorite t-shirt for years, until I outgrew it for reasons you can probably figure out on your own.

In her book, “May I Have Your Attention, Please?”, Chris Hilicki, says that your brand is based on the truth of who you are. In the very first chapter, before she has worked any of her magic in helping you figure out who you are or what your brand is, she issues a challenge. “Can you write an autobiography in 300 words?”, she asks.

I decided to take the challenge. Here is the result.

Sherrie St. Cyr, LCSW

I was born to an unmarried woman, in 1956. She gave me a name that didn’t belong to my father. A beautiful name – Sherrie St. Cyr. When I was about 8, she tired of answering questions about why our names were different and changed my name to Crow, her maiden name. I hated it and endured many jokes about “eating Crow”. I never knew my father, and I’m not sure of his real name. When I was 28, I changed my name legally back to St. Cyr. It gets lots of attention, as it is a beautiful and unusual name.

My great-grandmother was an angel. She babysat me. Mom told me Grandmother (as I called her) used to take Mom and her siblings dancing on Saturday nights while my great-grandfather was drinking with his buddies. When they got home she would turn back the odometer so he wouldn’t know. I admired her courage.

The summer before college, I met Jack, who would enter law school that fall. When my Mom found out I was sleeping with him (about a month into my freshman year), she threatened that I could either come home and go to school and she would continue to pay, or I could stay at LSU and pay my own bills. I was 17. I decided to pay my own bills.

28 – 45 marriage, mom at home, husband laid off, back to work, divorce

As a hospice Social Worker now, I love to listen to stories families tell. I help them make meaning of their history. I consciously work to make sure my children have memories that support the legacy I want to leave them. Because my heart has stopped twice, I understand I may not get a chance to create those memories “tomorrow”.

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Won’t you join me in the challenge and create your own abbreviated autobiography? Post a link in the comments. Also, I’d like to ask a favor. Hilicki says that your brand is how people feel when they hear your story. Based on the story, what would you say my brand is? (By the way, the story is true.)

Getting Unstuck – 12 Tips to Get Moving

Do you have so many ideas that you end up in overwhelm – not working on any of them?

Do you take on a big project with a too-short deadline and then decide you can never finish it in time, so you quit altogether?

Do you circle around a subject, brainstorming 117 ways you could do it, but have trouble actually getting started?

Welcome to my world, and the world of untold numbers of creative types who struggle with actual completions. In no particular order, here are the strategies I use to get unstuck and moving toward my goals.

• Do anything on the project – if you are stuck designing the header of your blog, write a post; if you are stuck on a post, work on the header. Just make progress somewhere and your brain will relax and be more willing to help you out.
• Call a mastermind meeting (in your mind) – maybe you don’t have a formal mastermind. You do have an imagination, though. And you have role models – those who have gone before you and created what you are creating. Ask yourself, what would they do? Then do it, no matter how crazy it sounds.
• Go ask for help or feedback in a forum – If you don’t belong to one, find one to join. Everyone needs a place where everybody knows their name. I use two forums for this. Both are paid memberships, which means people are not there to waste my time or theirs. I usually get a quick answer and even an answer you don’t like can be useful.
• Give yourself permission to do your next task badly – I have a friend who has been going to write a book for a couple of years now. It has come down to the time to start writing and now she thinks she needs a PhD and a course in creative writing. When I asked her is she could give herself permission to write badly, it opened a new horizon for her, and she was able to get started.
• Get an accountability partner and ask them to poise a stick over your backside – Promising to write a big, juicy check to a charity you strongly disagree with if you don’t meet your timeframe can be a powerful motivator.
• Get an accountability partner and make them the keeper of the carrots – Maybe you work better with the promise of something wonderful when you get your thing done. In that case, get an accountability partner and arrange for them to be in charge of some goody you usually enjoy. They can make sure you don’t enjoy it until you get your task done. (Be careful with these last two. You have to know what makes you tick and you have to respect the responsibility you have asked your accountability partner to take.)
• Brainstorm – get a blank piece of paper and just write ideas – no judging. You know how to do this one.
• Run a survey – You can find a free site and run a quick survey. SurveyMonkey is one I have used to run surveys to decide between two domain names, etc. Announce your survey in the forums you belong to.
• Get someone else to do the thing – Whether you call it delegating or outsourcing, if you can get someone else to do whatever it is you are stuck on, then you can move forward. This doesn’t have to cost money. Barter is alive and well.
• Have a pity party – Just sit down and moan and wail and generally feel sorry for yourself. You’ll most likely get tired of listening to yourself and get up and get started soon. If not, we need to talk. Seriously.
• Give yourself complete permission not to do the thing at all – You’ve lived this long without it, haven’t you? And the world has not ended? You don’t really have to do it, do you? Will your business fail if it doesn’t get done? You spouse divorce you? Your kids disown you? Will it cause cancer? OK, then. Just forget it.
• Make it inevitable – Start a process that can’t be stopped, or at least would be very difficult to stop. Once you get past the first turn when you are waiting in line for the big roller coaster at Six Flags, it can be pretty embarrassing to get out of line. This works best if your process is public and everyone knows you’ve done it. My latest example in this category was submitting a guest post at www.nathanhangen.com. Once Nathan had accepted it, I had to get to work and produce my free report and make sure that my aweber process was working properly. Of course, I could have gotten cold feet and emailed him back and asked him not to publish it after all – yeah, right! Would you?

What do you do to get unstuck?

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